A recent article in the NY Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html?_r=3
illustrates what we were talking about this week (see the Jan. 12th class post).
One major source of happiness (gratification) is doing things that strengthen us in ways that align with our values. It seems that happiness in relationships can be the result of something similar. When my partner helps me to have an experience that I value, the relationship is better. Discovering a new restaurant, learning new skills, getting involved in the community in new ways, all kinds of things can make couples happier.
Try it out...
Disclaimer - this is a therapisty-nerd moment by Kristi.
ReplyDeleteInteresting how the concept of “self-expansion” sounds remarkably similar to the "safe-base" notion used in attachment theory. Thus, it may be that not only do exploratory experiences strengthen our relationships, but that our relationships allow us the courage to explore?
If yes, that could mean that when our relationships are going poorly, we are less likely to engage in new things and less likely to get our personal needs met.
This may be a chicken-and-the-egg scenario, but it's interesting to think about.